Beautiful sunrise over the Banana River this morning --

Some days there won't be a song in your heart.  Sing anyway.  ~Emory Austin

The sunrise over the Banana River this morning was absolutely gorgeous and a perfect way to start the day.  I'm feeling much better today.  I was very upset and depressed yesterday after meeting with the oncologist, so I thought it best not to write in my blog.  I would like for this blog to be more of an upper than a downer -- for me and for you -- although I'm sure there will be times when I just feel like writing even if I'm not in the best of moods.  All I can say is that this is the wildest, craziest roller coaster ride I have ever been on -- mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically!!!! 

Yesterday was my 3rd visit to 3 different doctors in 4 days.  We've lived in Brevard County for 24 years, and I don't think I've been to see a doctor 3 times in 24 years, so 3 times in a week is really hard for me to take. 

Anyway, you probably want to know about the less-than-pleasant meeting with the oncologist.  Let me first say that she is a very nice person, and I can see why people really like her.  She is a cancer survivor herself (from childhood), so she probably brings a little more compassion and empathy to the table than someone who hasn't "been there, done that."  Our first "issue" was that she said to definitely do the surgery first and then the chemo, as opposed to the surgeon who recommended chemo first and then surgery.  Her reasoning was that there is no reason to do chemo first unless the tumor is very close to the chest wall (it's not) and needs to be shrunk so the surgeon can get clean margins, or if a patient is planning on having breast-conserving surgery instead of a mastectomy.  Since I'm doing the bilateral mastectomy, she said there's no reason to do chemo first.  Okay, that all made sense to me, although the surgeon's logic of doing chemo first to see how the tumor and lymph nodes respond to therapy (to get a better idea of what we're dealing with) made sense to me, too.  So now we have conflicting opinions.  Back to the surgeon on Monday morning, at which time I will presumably be setting up an appointment for a bilateral mastectomy.  Get this thing out of here already!! 

The next issue I had with the oncologist was that I take quite a few vitamins/supplements in a program custom-tailored for me by my clinical nutritionist, which he and I believe are what my body needs at the moment to help it get strong and healthy and fight this dreaded disease.  So I asked the oncologist if I could continue to take my supplements, and she adamantly said, "No, not during chemotherapy.  You can take them afterwards if you want, but not during chemo."  THAT got the tears flowing.  Mind you, I didn't even cry when the surgeon broke the news to me that I had breast cancer, but I sat in her office yesterday with a steady stream of tears because she more or less told me the supplements were akin to "quackery."  (She didn't actually use those words; it was the inference).  I explained to her that I believed in THAT (the supplements) a lot more than I believe in THIS (the chemo), so I was having a very difficult time with what she was telling me.  She basically said that there haven't been any "studies" to show if there are any interactions between the supplements and the chemo, so they would prefer to just inject the "poison" into my body and please don't do anything to help my body cope with the poison. 

Okay, I probably shouldn't be saying a lot of what I'm saying because I know most of you probably don't agree with me.  But, hey, this IS my blog, and I need to get some things "off my chest" -- no pun intended!! 

I also explained to the onco that I was now on a super-duper health kick, which she said was fine.  As a gift, she "gave" me (or maybe I'm going to be billed for it?!) a recipe book called, "Eating Well Through Cancer."  Silly me thought there might be some healthy and delicious recipes in the book.  Not!  I couldn't find one healthy recipe in there.  Lots of sugar, milk, white flour, refined/processed/canned foods, pasta, pizza, casseroles, desserts -- you name it -- nothing healthy.  Nothing!  I'll be returning the book to her; it might be useful for somebody who is on a different kind of "health" kick, but not to me. 

Well, I really didn't mean to have such a negative tone to my blog today.  I'm actually a lot more upbeat and positive this morning than I was from about noon until bedtime yesterday.  Today is another day, and it's time to get back on top of things and forge on!  We WILL prevail and we WILL beat this thing!! 

I really appreciate all your love and support -- emails, comments on the blog, positive thoughts, good wishes, etc.  It means the world to me and helps SO much in getting through this trying time.  As my cousin (a been-there-done-that survivor) said, "This is a club that nobody wants to join!"  So true!!  But when you're forced into "joining" it against your wishes, you just have to deal with it and keep moving forward, all the while surrounding yourself with positive, loving, caring, supportive people, which I am so fortunate to be able to do.  I love you all!!!!

By the way, I think the posted times on the blog might be off by an hour or 2.  I don't know what time Kenny made my vegie drink yesterday morning, but I know it wasn't 4:47 a.m!  I'm always up at that hour, but he isn't.