When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. ~Franklin D. Roosevelt
Uh-oh! My positive attitude took a hike around 1700 today, and it hasn't come back. The nerve! Where'd it go?? I'm hopeful it will sneak back in during the dark of the night or the wee hours of the morning.....while I'm sleeping.....and reimplant itself back into my brain. Something went awry. I felt like I ran into a "brick wall" this afternoon. All of a sudden, I got really upset, anxious, terrified, distraught.....you name it......any negative feeling imaginable. I felt like I was going to throw up......or have a nervous breakdown. I am WAY more terrified of the impending chemotherapy than I ever was about the bilateral mastectomy. In fact, I wasn't even that nervous about the surgery. Is it because I "believed" in the surgery and was more "onboard" with that phase of the program? Or is it because losing my boobs really didn't seem like that big a deal to me, whereas losing all my hair, getting nauseous and fatigued, having aches and pains, compromising/destroying my immune system, etc. is much scarier?? I don't know. I can't explain it. At any rate, don't worry. I WILL get out of this hole -- hopefully by morning -- and all will be good again. It doesn't help that I'm lacking in the sleep department. Another stressful/busy work week. Been getting up at 0400 the past few mornings to do transcription. And last night I worked until after 2000. This afternoon I quit at 1700 (when I crashed into that brick wall). SOOO, I think it is time for bed. Another really busy work day tomorrow, and then hopefully I can "relax" over the weekend....if I'm not too sick to do so after the chemo. Okay, I'm going to quit whining and call it a day.......
5 comments:
Oh Suzy, I hate to see you so distraught and hope and pray that your positive attitude reappeared this morning. Always remember that your nation-wide support team is with you all the way - thinking of you often and loving you very much. Wish so much we could be there with you but "in spirit" will have to do for now.
I love you!
Mom
Dear Suzy--
I just read your latest blog input and immediately increased the strength of my positive outgoing thoughts by a factor of 2! Please let me know if you want me to increase the level further.I am loving you every hour of every passing day.
Freeland
Dear Suzy,
Just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts. I know you are feeling anxious and scared right now, but I just wanted to say how in awe I am of how courageous and strong you have been throughout this experience. I hope the anxious feelings pass quickly. You have so many people thinking about you and sending you positive vibrations :)
Much love,
Bridget
Suzy--
Have not checked your blog since before you did the 4/3 entry.. Personally I have been amazed that you HAVE been able to maintain that positive attitude for so long, with all this that's going on for you. It's only human to feel less than positive, BUT I also know that it doesn't feel good to be where you were when you wrote your last entry. I'm hoping that you're feeling better by now.
Like the rest of US, I am continually in awe of the way you are handling this, Suz.
I LOVE YOU,
Becky
P.S. Will be sending MANY positive vibes your way tomorrow, your first day of you-know-what. :)
Suzy,
Just the fact that you write with such a superb sense of humor gives the lie to your post! I know that thT sounds trite, but it's true. By now you have had your first chemotherapy treatment - don't know how long before the effects kick in, but I hope that they are gentle.
We all love you so -close your eyes for a moment and feel the love we bear,
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