Shot of instant fatigue

Yesterday I went for my Neulasta injection, and it was like they gave me a shot of instant fatigue.  Just wiped me out.  Had to come home and sleep for an hour and a half.  Felt pretty wiped out the rest of the day.  Sadly, the shuttle launch was scrubbed, but hopefully it will go on Monday.  Last night I took a sleeping pill and slept great.  Feeling a bit tired this morning, even after 9 hours of sleep.  Maybe once I get moving, I'll feel better.  I've been taking my anti-nausea meds on a regular schedule, and that seems to be working great.  A little bit of nausea the evening of chemotherapy and the next morning, but it was tolerable, and that was it.  Not too much other news to report at the moment. 

Chemo round 2 is history.....movin' on.......

A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner.   - Anonymous

I'm happy to report that chemo #2 went very smoothly.....and quickly....once we got into the chemo room.  My plan of getting there early, hoping to get in earlier didn't work, unfortunately.  My original appointment was at 1045, but I called the office yesterday to see if by chance there had been any cancellations earlier in the morning.  She told me to come in a little before 1000, and Dr. Sprawls could probably see me at 1000.  So, we arrived there at 0945, but Dr. Sprawls was already running way behind.  They finally called us back to an exam room at 1030, and we were excited because that was earlier than my original appointment!  However, he didn't actually come into the exam room until 1115!  By that time we were pretty antsy, upset, and worried about the timing.  You see, the issue is that I have to have a Neulasta injection on Friday, but it can't be sooner than 24 hours after the chemo finishes (and it has to be within 72 hours).  I was worried that if all the little PacMan guys didn't finish entering my system to "do their thing" until 1400 or 1500, then I couldn't get my Neulasta until 1400 or 1500 tomorrow, and I would probably miss the shuttle launch or see it from some traffic jam.  ANYWAY, Dr. Sprawls was his usual funny, laid-back self, and he had us laughing and joking and talking, even though we were a little grouchy when he first walked into the room.  He's a really likable guy, though, and we forgot about our troubles for the time being.  We finally got back to the "chemo suite" around noon, and they hooked up the various bags of poison.  The first one (pushing the Adriamycin) only took about 15 minutes, and the second one (Cytoxan) took about an hour, so I was all finished at 1325.  And I made my appointment for the Neulasta for 1330 tomorrow at the Merritt Island office!  I should have no problem making it back to the RV to see the launch -- this is a great park to see the launches from!  Okay, well, I realize I just got a little long-winded with a few too many details about nothingness when I could have just gotten right to the point and said I'm going for Neulasta at 1330 tomorrow.  I don't feel like erasing it all and starting over, so just skip over the "nothingness." 

After chemo, Ken and I went and had a nice lunch at Grill's in Port Canaveral.  Sat outside and enjoyed a nice breeze. 

Now I'm about ready to head to bed.  Starting feeling slightly nauseous with a headache around 1830ish.  I've taken my anti-nausea med, had some ginger ale, took some ginger root capsules.  Feeling a little better now, although quite tired.  Got up at 0420 to get transcription done before my appointment.  I was totally overwhelmed with work yesterday -- 250 minutes of dictation for one day (another useless detail, but that's a LOT) -- but 2 of my girls responded to my S-O-S and so willingly said they'd take on even more work than they already had!  Don't know what I'd do without 'em! 

G'night, folks!  Hope all is well in your neck of the woods.  Hugs from Florida.

White count up : )

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.  You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.  – Eleanor Roosevelt


Went for the blood draw yesterday morning and was very distraught to find out that Katie wasn't there after all.  That girl can get blood from a stone!  Thankfully it wasn't the same girl that was there on Friday -- it was Marsha yesterday.  She had trouble getting the blood to flow at first but then got it going.  Yay!  She said the results would probabbly be ready by 1530 yesterday -- they weren't.  But they were ready this morning, and my white count was back up in the normal range.  Double yay!  And everything else looked fine, too, at least to my untrained eyes.  Nothing was flagged, and I'm sure they would have called me if there was a problem.  So I guess that means I'm good to go for chemo round 2.  I'm a little worried about the timing of the Neulasta injection on Friday.  I'm afraid I'm going to miss the shuttle launch or be stuck in the dreaded traffic.  Just found out that they are letting the schools out early around here on Friday because of the launch and traffic, etc.  It's unprecedented -- they have never done that for a shuttle launch before. 

Ken and I went out to dinner this evening -- to a local "haunt" to listen to one of our favorite local musicians.  He's so entertaining.  And it was a relatively fun evening, except that Ken opted for the wig for tonight's head gear -- my first time out in public since the big head shaving (other than to the lab for blood work).  Oooooeeeee!  That thing is going to take some getting used to!  I was SOOOO uncomfortable.  Felt like some kind of impersonator and was very self conscious.....not to mention that it was scratchy on the scalp, it itched like hell, it was crushing my ears.....and I couldn't wait to get home and take it off!  I don't think I'll be doing the faux hair thing too often.  Bandanas are definitely more my style. 

Not much other news.  I'll keep you posted on how chemo #2 goes.  Hopefully it will be smooth sailing with minimal side effects.  Thanks for all the positive thoughts and good wishes!  Sure do appreciate all the love!    

The epitome of bad hair days!

Ken just finished shaving my head with the dog clippers, and it was very traumatic!  (And I had to wear ear plugs because the clippers were so loud!)  I was hoping I was kidding that we would be spending Easter shaving my head, but I lost a TON of hair in the shower today.  Don't want to clog the RV drains, so it was time for the hair to go.  Losing my hair was way more traumatic than losing my boobs!  Go figure.  This whole journey is so much more "real" now.  I felt like I could hide "the evidence" before.  I could hide the lack of boobs behind a baggy shirt (sort of), but the lack of hair just makes it all so obvious.  But, alas, it's only hair, and it will grow back eventually.  I have some cute hats and bandanas and wigs to help me get through the period between now and "eventually."   

Right now I am wearing the cute pink camo bandana that my sister, Nancy, gave me (along with several others in various colors), and I'm going to go sit outside with my Kindle and get lost in "another world" for the time being.

By the way, that is as close as Ken could get with the dog clippers, but I'm sure the peach fuzz will be going, too.  (photos below)

The photos are titled:  Stage 1 - very short, Stage 2 - Mohawk, Stage 3 - hair be gone, with a wig, with a hat, with a bandana

Happy Easter Eve!

One of the best actions we can take, with courage, is to relax.  – author unknown

This is my good friend, Debbie, and me.  She had (much-needed) breast-reduction surgery a few weeks after my mastectomy, so I nicknamed us the “Bosom Buddies.”  Her sweet sister bought us these adorable shirts, and we wore them out for Mexican dinner last night.  A fun evening!  It was a nice finish to an otherwise interesting day.  My weekly blood draw was yesterday morning, so we got to the lab around 8:40 a.m.  After waiting about 45 minutes and realizing that the receptionist had called 3 people back that came in after me (no appointments; first-come, first-served basis), I said something to her (usually I don’t have to wait any longer than 10-15 minutes).  She realized she had made a mistake and finally called me back next.  Finally!   Only problem was that I am a “tough draw,” and the “fill-in” phlebotomist (due to Good Friday?) could not get a drop of blood from me!  How frustrating was that?!......after waiting 45 minutes!  It doesn’t help that they can only draw from the right arm (no blood draws or BP from left arm due to lymph node removal), so the options are limited.  She offered to try the back of my hand, but I didn’t have much faith in her capabilities at that point.  I asked her when Katie would be back – she’s really good and can always manage to get blood from me – and she said Monday.  So then I had to call the cancer center to see if I could wait until Monday or if I had to go someplace else to be a pin cushion.  My white count was really low the previous week (1.32), but it was expected to be low because the Neulasta hadn’t “kicked in” yet.  Anyway, they said it would be okay to wait until Monday.  Hopefully the numbers will be up, and I’ll be good to go for chemo round 2 on Thursday (4/28). 

After the frustrating start to the morning, we (Ken and I) went to the Barking Gecko for breakfast and then down to the American Cancer Society gift closet in Melbourne.  It was quite an experience “shopping” for cranial prostheses (wigs), head coverings, bras, and foobs (fake boobs)!  I tried on some pretty hilarious wigs – just for the fun of it – and because we needed a good laugh.  I looked just like Bozo the Clown in one of them!  Oh my!  It was something else!  Wudda made a great Halloween costume.  But, alas, I’m not looking for a Halloween costume….I’m talking everyday life here.  So I put the Bozo hair back on the mannequin and settled on 2 rather cute wigs, along with 4 hats/head coverings, 4 bras, and 2 foobs (1 for each side) – all of these items compliments of the ACS.  Pretty nice service they provide, eh?  I’m not actually all that excited about wearing the wigs or the foobs, but I think they will be good to have for nights out or whatever.  Ken expressed an interest in having “a little something there” occasionally instead of the totally flat-chested look; I’m hoping it’s just occasional because I’m really fine with the flat look and was REALLY excited to never wear a bra again!  I might have to change the name of my blog if I have to wear them too often…..LOL!

On our way home from the ACS, we stopped and picked up our mail and had 2 nice packages from Wendy, my sister-in-law, with 2 wigs and 4 hats/head coverings – from her previous journey with breast cancer.  So it was like Christmas yesterday!  And my friend, Debbie, gave me a very interesting book called “Life Over Cancer” – chock full of good info and advice.

The timing on the wigs is perfect because my hair started falling out yesterday afternoon.  I didn’t really notice it until I took a shower before going to dinner.  Suddenly I was standing in about an inch of water…..because the drain was totally covered with hair!  Waaaaahhhhhh!!!  It’s really happening.  I thought my Redken Extreme products were going to save me!  Now it looks like Ken and I might have an Easter head-shaving “party.”  I wonder if we can find some non-toxic paints and color my bald head like an Easter egg??!! 

Today was a fairly relaxing day.  Did some transcription in the morning and then did my 2.2 miles on the Pioneer Trail.  We were trying to think of something fun to do for the rest of the day.  Decided the beach would be way too crowded on a holiday weekend with the Ron Jon Easter Surf Festival going on.  So we opted to go to Cocoa Village for lunch and then walked around the Village window shopping in all the neat little boutiques and shops.  Walked over to the marina to gaze at all the beautiful boats.  And walked back along the river.  It was a nice afternoon.  Of course, all the walking wore me out, and I came home and took a nap! 

And now here it is time to call it another day…….

Hope you all have a wonderful Easter!  HUGS to everybody!!

Kayaking was fun!

I have learned to use the word impossible with the greatest caution.  ~Wernher von Braun

 

The kayaking adventure was a success!  Oh, it was so nice to get out in the kayaks once again.  There were about a million (maybe a trillion) mosquitos at the launch site but, once we got out on the water, they weren’t a problem.  It was just so beautiful out there in “the wild.”  We didn’t see any gators…..or any wildlife for that matter……but it was so peaceful and relaxing….just so nice to be out on the water again.  The only other drawback to the whole adventure (besides the mosquitos) was that we kayaked for a little over an hour….and then I came home and slept for 2 hours!!  Seriously!  Eeeh gads!  This fatigue thing is getting a little annoying.  I am NOT a napper – hate ‘em – but I find I just have to give in nowadays.  At any rate, if fatigue is my biggest problem, I’m not going to complain.  I can certainly deal with that.  Things could be so much worse. 

I did change my next chemo appointment to Thursday (4/28) instead of Friday (4/29) with the Neulasta injection on Friday instead of Monday.  I want to see if that works out better as far as the side effects go.  It kind of wreaked havoc with my work week getting the Neulasta injection on Monday (with the nausea all day Monday and Tuesday).  So we’ll see how it goes by changing the schedule.  Also, the next (and possibly final) shuttle launch is on 4/29.  I definitely don’t want to be sitting in a chemo chair and missing another spectacular piece of history.  We have seen so many launches, living here on the Space Coast, and they NEVER get old.  They still bring tears to my eyes.  

I guess I don’t really have much else to report on today.  Feeling great.  Been busy with work.  Walking and/or bike riding every day. 

Now it’s time to curl up with my Kindle and call it a day. 

Good Morning, World!

The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, became a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong.  ~Thomas Carlyle

Bosun and Dory on the RV dash -- right next to my work station -- always ready with unconditional love and kisses......

It’s a beautiful Monday here in Merritt Island (Florida) – sunny, breezy, and 70 degrees, although I’m sure it will be warming up considerably.  We might even take the kayaks out today, which will be a first since my mastectomy 7½ weeks ago.  I’ve come a long way since then and feel that I have regained most of the strength and range of motion in my left arm (where the lymph nodes were removed).  There is still a lot of numbness, and I guess there will be some residual numbness for quite awhile……maybe forever.  But that’s not going to stop me from using a kayak paddle!  I did get a compression sleeve, which the lymphedema therapist said I should always wear when working out, exercising, kayaking, etc. – to help prevent swelling in the left arm. 

Had a fun weekend with 2 other couples/good friends joining us here at the campground.  One couple came for a week, which was really nice, and the other couple came for a long weekend.  It was so nice having them here – such a nice diversion for me.  It was Don’s birthday, so we all chipped in and got 3 dozen steamed crabs (big ones!) Friday night and sat around the picnic table picking crabs.  It was great fun!

The only drawback to the weekend was the “hard hit” I took from the Neulasta injection (that I had on Monday, 4/11).  One of the nurses told me that I would probably experience the side effects within 1-3 days of the injection, which I guess is why I felt so terrible last Monday and Tuesday.  Another nurse told me that the Neulasta has a “peak period” of 7-10 days.  I didn’t really know what she meant……until 3:00 a.m. Sunday morning!  WOW!  Did it ever peak!!  I had the most excruciating lower back pain I’ve ever felt – to the point of tears.  It was unbelievable.  I took 2 Tylenol Extra Strength Rapid Release gel caps, and Kenny gave me a back rub with some special cream, which didn’t seem to help much, but then he got up and made me a hot pack – so sweet at 3:00 a.m.!!  I didn’t even want to wake him up, but I guess he heard me tossing and turning, moaning and groaning……and crying…..   (I consider myself to have a pretty high pain tolerance, too, but the pain was something else).  The hot pack and the Tylenol helped, and I was actually able to get back to sleep for a few more hours.  It was pretty painful all day yesterday but, as long as I took Tylenol every 4 hours, it was bearable.  The nurse had also told me that the bone/joint pain that I “might” experience would be most prevalent at sites of previous bone injuries – and the pain is caused by the bone marrow regenerating itself.  Who wudda thought bone marrow regeneration could cause so much pain??!  Anyway, I figured I would feel the pain in my right ankle – site of a trimalleolar fracture in 1997.  However, I didn’t feel a thing there – maybe because of the plate and all the screws?  Instead, it decided to zero in on the low back – site of a compression fracture in 1974. 

Anyway, enough of that.  I don’t want to bore you with all these details.  I feel great today, and THAT is what matters!  No low back pain at all, and it’s a beautiful day!  Time to get out and enjoy it!  Hope it’s a nice day wherever all of you are, too!

Two rough days but doing better now

Just a quick note to let you all know that I'm doing okay.  The million-dollar feeling I had Sunday morning dissipated by Sunday evening, and Monday and Tuesday were really rough.  I don't know if it was a delayed reaction to the chemo on Friday or a reaction to the Neulasta injection on Monday morning.  I suspect it was a little bit of both because it started Sunday evening and lasted for roughly 48 hours.  Just felt really nauseous, extremely fatigued, had severe abdominal cramps and general malaise, felt like I had been run over by an 18-wheeler, and just didn't feel like doing a darn thing except sleeping.  It was tough getting through work yesterday; seemed like it would never end, even though I only had about 4-5 hours of it. 

I got a really good sleep last night after taking a Tylenol Extra Strength Rapid Release, a Restoril, and a Compazine (I can hardly believe that I am popping all these pills......never in my wildest dreams......!)  But it worked!  I slept really well from 2030 last night until 0600 this morning.  And I woke up feeling good.  Thank goodness!

I did manage to get my hair cut on Monday -- a spur-of-the-moment decision -- just walked into a Hair Cuttery and said, "Cut it short before it starts falling out."  Hopefully that will minimize the shock when it does start to fall out.  Also, one of the hairdressers there told me that she just got back from a hair convention, and they said that people were having really good luck with the Redken Extreme shampoo and conditioner and weren't losing their hair during chemo.  Is it true?  Or are they just trying to sell products?  Who knows?!  But it's worth a try!!  To my amazement, that is the conditioner I've already been using (but was almost out, so I bought some more).  And THEY were out of the shampoo!  Darn!  Went to another place, and they were out, too.  Maybe there has been a chemo run on it!  Will have to try someplace else tomorrow. 

Okay, folks, they warned me that fatigue would be my biggest problem.  They were right.  It's not even 2030, and I am dead tired.  Heading for bed.  HUGS to everybody!

Feeling great today!

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine. 

~Anthony J. D'Angelo, The College Blue Book

Shortly after my last blog post on Friday evening, slight nausea and a mild headache set in.  I took a Compazine (anti-nausea med) and a Restoril (sleeping pill) and went to bed.  I slept terribly, despite the sleeping pill, but Jessica had warned me that the IV Decadron -- an anti-nausea steroid given with the chemotherapy -- might cause insomnia.  It did.  I did get some sleep Friday night, but it was very fitful.  When I finally got up at 0445, I still felt slightly nauseous and still had a headache.  I really didn't want to take any other meds, so I just drank a lot of water -- about a liter before Kenny got up at 0800.  By then, I was feeling much better, except I was craving a high-carb breakfast -- like I had a hangover or something (I didn't).  I really wanted a Belgian waffle with real maple syrup!  So we went out to breakfast.  Sadly, the place we chose didn't have Belgian waffles, so I had bacon, eggs, toast, and home fries!  Bad girl!  I don't eat red meat or toast, and I try to avoid potatoes.  Sure tasted good, though!  Then we went to some yard sales looking for the elusive bargain -- found nothing -- and drove up to Titusville to check out a campground for future reference.  I started falling asleep in the car on the way home (I wasn't driving....LOL) and realized I was REALLY tired.  Ended up sleeping for an hour and a half yesterday afternoon -- I NEVER nap, so I was definitely tired.  We went for a walk later in the afternoon and then sat outside the RV for awhile.  I was still extremely tired after dinner.  Could hardly keep my eyes open.  Finally went to bed at 2100 and slept until 0700 this morning!!  Wow!  I haven't slept that late in years!  It was wonderful.  And today I feel wonderful!  We're going to go to the Pioneer Trail and do our 2.2-mile walk in a little while.  Not sure what else we'll do today.  Maybe just relax and enjoy the day.

I'm happy to report that I can almost raise my left arm straight up over my head now.  Woo hoo!  What a feeling.  There is still some tightness and pain, but it has improved significantly.  I can also finally sleep on my right side again because the pain from the port has subsided significantly. 

Now that I have more range of motion in my left arm, Kenny and I are actually hoping to go kayaking this week.  That will be great fun.  I'm supposed to wear an arm compression sleeve when I exercise (to keep swelling down due to the lymph node removal), but I ordered one 2 weeks ago, and it hasn't come yet.  I'll just have to not paddle vigorously -- it's not like we're going to be shooting white water rapids or anything.  It will be gentle paddling -- just out to enjoy the scenery and wildlife. 

So, in summary, the only real side effects I have experienced so far from the chemo are slight nausea, a headache, and extreme fatigue.  Today I'm feeling like a million bucks!  Hope you're all having a good day, too! 

It was a "walk in the park....."

Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. -Joshua J. Marine

This is Jessica, my oncology RN today, "pushing" the Adriamycin into me.  You can see the tube running from her big injector/plunger down behind my shirt into the port (which is in my right upper chest).  Jessica was so sweet and very knowledgeable (she was sharing some of her knowledge with me in this photo....or scaring me with some of her knowledge??!....LOL).  She's currently going to school to be an oncology ARNP and graduates in June 2012.  

She was excellent with getting the needle into the port.  Never felt the needle jab at all (thanks to EMLA numbing cream), although I felt a little pressure when she was pushing the needle against the port.  Just couldn't get the numbing cream to take that pain away.  But it wasn't bad, and it didn't last long. 

Anyway, this is just a short note to let you all know that things went really well today.  I'm feeling really great, except for being really tired at the moment.  However, I really think that is more a function of a stressful work week, lack of sleep all week, anxiety/anticipation/fear about the chemo, etc.  Now that #1 is history, I can breathe a sigh of relief and relax a little bit.  And now I know what to expect.  And I hope all the treatments go that well.  We can hope, right?! 

We got to the office a little before 1100 and left there around 1430.  I think it will go a little quicker next time probably. 

I have to go for my Neulasta injection on Monday -- that will help keep my white blood cell count up, which will help fight off infections, etc.  Supposedly that has a 7-10 "peak" period, at which time I will probably experience bone/joint aches and pains.  I have to have blood work drawn once a week mainly to keep tabs on the white blood cell count, but also to make sure all the other values are okay, too.

Our next immediate worry is whether the government will shut down!  "What's that got to do with the price of eggs, you say?!"  Well, we're currently camping at a government-run park, and they will be locking the gates if the government shuts down.  So, yes, we will have to move.  They said we could have until noon tomorrow to get out of here.  It'll be a bit of task (hopefully I will still feel good tomorrow) -- with the bikes, the kayaks, the inversion table, a stairstepper, a leg exerciser, chairs, outdoor carpet, etc. etc.  -- but not impossible.  We will probably head down the road to the park where we used to live on the houseboat for the time-being until we figure out the next plan.

Well, folks, it's time for me to call it a day.  It was a long one.  And I'm really looking forward to going to bed.  I might try to read for a little while, but I don't know how long that will last. 

I LOVE all your blog comments (and emails, too)!!  Even if I don't respond individually, please know that I always read them ALL and REALLY appreciate every one of them so much!!  Thank you so much!  HUGS!

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, Phase 2

Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow.  ~Dan Rather


Today is the big day -- chemotherapy #1 at 1100.  Well, it probably won't start right at 1100 because I have to meet with the oncologist first.  Not sure how long that will take or how far behind he will be running, etc.  But I'm thinking the "poison drip" will start sometime around noon or maybe 1230?  Just a guess.  And I think it lasts a couple of hours.  Hope to be home by mid to late afternoon.

I'm feeling better than I was at my last blog post but still not back to "normal."  Lots of anxiety, fear of the unknown, terror, etc.  I'm hoping that I'm anticipating the absolute worst and that things won't be nearly as bad as I'm anticipating. 

My plan is to visualize the chemo meds as a little Pacman guy running all around inside my body gobbling up the cancer cells -- the demons -- while, of course, leaving all the good cells behind and intact!  Remember the old Pacman game?  It was so fun scooting all over the place gobbling up the dots.  Well, that's what I'm going to envision.....and I'm hoping that will make it easier to cope with this dreaded phase of the journey.

I'm also planning to shave my head when the hair starts falling out.  I have had some people say that it gives them some control over the process if they just shave their head right from the beginning.  However, I don't want to be too premature -- I'm still hoping for a miracle -- maybe I won't actually lose my hair?!  Dreaming, I know.  When it does start falling out, I'll probably just go ahead and shave it off (or, better yet, have somebody else do it).  I don't want to be shedding all over the RV or clogging the shower drain, etc.

I went on a "shopping spree" on Monday for all sorts of supplies that somebody had recommended on a website for people tackling chemotherapy.  Lots of Kleenex!  Not so much for the tears but for the constantly runny nose due to the lack of nose hairs!  Yes, I will be losing every hair on my body, not just the hair on my head.  Who wudda thought?!  I also went to the health food store and got some special toothpaste, mouth spray, and gum for dry mouth (a common side effect).  And "healthy" crackers for when the nausea sets in.  Can't remember what else I got.  Oh, a bunch of soft toothbrushes.  Someone recommended changing toothbrushes often because the mouth is a haven for bacteria and, with the compromised (destroyed) immune system, you have to take every precaution. 

I also got a prescription for EMLA cream -- a numbing cream to put on my port area before I leave for my appointment this morning.  The port site is still very sore to touch, so I would like it nice and numb before they start probing around trying to find where to insert the needle (the entire port is submerged beneath the skin).  How are they going to do that anyway?  I shudder to think.  And I have a prescription for some anti-anxiety pills, which I will also definitely take before leaving for my appointment.  And some anti-nausea pills for after the appointment.  Never had so many prescriptions in my life!  Eeeh gads! 

Well, I've been up since 0345, so I guess I'd better get some transcription done before we have to head over to Rockledge for my appointment.  I also need to pack my bag of goodies -- things to do while Mr. Pacman is doing his thing.  I will definitely take my Kindle, my journal, and a big bottle of water.  Maybe some of those "healthy" crackers?  I don't think I'll bother taking my computer, although they said they have wifi there.  They also have a 52-inch TV.  I wonder who gets to choose the channel?  I don't watch much TV anyway; I just hope somebody else doesn't want to watch soap operas or SciFi...LOL....

Hopefully I'll be back with more news later on today......  Thanks so much for all your positive thoughts, good wishes, prayers, love, support, caring, etc.  It means the world to me to have so many of you thinking of me! 

Need an attitude adjustment.....

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.  ~Franklin D. Roosevelt

Uh-oh!  My positive attitude took a hike around 1700 today, and it hasn't come back.  The nerve!  Where'd it go??  I'm hopeful it will sneak back in during the dark of the night or the wee hours of the morning.....while I'm sleeping.....and reimplant itself back into my brain.  Something went awry.  I felt like I ran into a "brick wall" this afternoon.  All of a sudden, I got really upset, anxious, terrified, distraught.....you name it......any negative feeling imaginable.  I felt like I was going to throw up......or have a nervous breakdown.  I am WAY more terrified of the impending chemotherapy than I ever was about the bilateral mastectomy.  In fact, I wasn't even that nervous about the surgery.  Is it because I "believed" in the surgery and was more "onboard" with that phase of the program?  Or is it because losing my boobs really didn't seem like that big a deal to me, whereas losing all my hair, getting nauseous and fatigued, having aches and pains, compromising/destroying my immune system, etc. is much scarier??  I don't know.  I can't explain it.  At any rate, don't worry.  I WILL get out of this hole -- hopefully by morning -- and all will be good again.  It doesn't help that I'm lacking in the sleep department.  Another stressful/busy work week.  Been getting up at 0400 the past few mornings to do transcription.  And last night I worked until after 2000.  This afternoon I quit at 1700 (when I crashed into that brick wall).  SOOO, I think it is time for bed.  Another really busy work day tomorrow, and then hopefully I can "relax" over the weekend....if I'm not too sick to do so after the chemo.  Okay, I'm going to quit whining and call it a day.......    

Another beautiful sunrise this morning......

The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next.  ~Mignon McLaughlin

The sunrise was gorgeous this morning over the Banana River.  The above picture was taken from our campsite -- nice way to start the day, eh? 

I've been meaning to get back on my blog for the past few days, but somehow time ran away from me, and I never did it.  It was a really stressful work week, with another one coming up this week; hopefully the following week will be a little bit less stressful....and that will be the week after I start chemo, so the timing will be perfect. 

I had my last lymphatic decongestive therapy appointment on Thursday.  It was very informative, and I learned a lot of things that I need to be conscientious about......forever.....(and that will be very hard to do......forever.....).  For example, the following things are high risk for developing upper extremity lymphedema:  gardening (not a problem for me), tennis/racquet sports/golf (not a problem), shoveling snow (not a problem), moving furniture (we don't own any), carrying luggage (could be a problem), carrying grocery bags (definitely a problem), weight lifting with arm (could be a problem), intense horseback riding (not a problem).  Okay, so I don't have to worry about TOO many things in the high risk category.  Medium risk things included biking, stairmaster (with gripping bars), weight lifting with rest of body, easy horseback riding.  Not TOO many issues there, either.  And beneficial things included swimming, walking, yoga, water aerobics, stairmaster (without gripping bars).  My main problem will be with lifting heavy things -- I am just way too used to doing things for myself -- carrying the groceries, the laundry, whatever.  I also need to continue to do the manual lymphatic massage, lymphatic exercises (thinking of getting a rebounder/mini trampoline), and physical therapy exercises (to improve the mobility and range of motion).  Could we please have more than 24 hours in a day??!! 

Well, I had all sorts of things I was going to write in here.  Now my mind seems to have drawn a blank.  So sorry.  Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know that everything is fine here.  Kenny and I went for a nice walk on the Pioneer Trail today -- only did 1.7 miles instead of the 2.2 (time was of the essence).  I'm hoping we can keep that up after chemo starts.  I've read so many things that have said walking is really important during chemo, even if you don't feel like it -- gotta keep everything moving. 

Time to head to bed now.  I'll be back here in a few days -- hopefully before I start chemo -- just to say hi.  I love you all and thank you all so much for all the love and support.  Keep those positive thoughts flowing!