Monday, February 28, 2011

I saw the battle scars today.....

That some good can be derived from every event is a better proposition than that everything happens for the best, which it assuredly does not.  ~James K. Feibleman

The home health care visiting nurse finally arrived around 1700 today, and what an experience that was.  The poor woman had a really bad day, with nothing going right, and she was so stressed out when she arrived that I wanted to send her right back out the door.  But we had been waiting all day for her arrival, so we let her stay.  I can only hope we get don't get her again.  The guy we had yesterday was great -- really laid back, good sense of humor, super nice guy.  Anyway, Linda took so long to get here today that we had to drain one of the drains about an hour before she arrived because one of them is draining a lot more than the other three (nothing to be alarmed about, they say).  She drained the others and THEN it was time to change the dressings.  UGH!  I really wasn't sure I wanted this harried woman assigned to that task.....especially because some of the gauze was stuck to the battle scars.  Not pleasant.  But she was pretty gentle, even in her frazzled state of mind.  Ken was a big help, too.  Linda couldn't find anything she needed (add 'disorganized' to her description) , so he assisted with that, too.  We were standing in the hallway of the RV (close to the bathroom, which was too small to hold all of us) while doing this procedure.  When I got a glimpse of "everything" (and lack thereof) in the ceiling-to-floor hall mirror......well, suffice it to say, I had to sit on the bed from that point on -- don't let me catch a glimpse of THAT again for awhile!  Wow!  Anyway, it's all wrapped up neatly and tightly with large ace bandages again.  I guess the dressings will now be changed every day for several days.  I think I'll be calling the home health office tomorrow morning and requesting somebody else, however.  I don't want to hurt the poor woman's feelings, but she stressed me out too much.  I'm already quite sick of the drains and will be more than happy to shed those, but I guess that won't be until next Monday at the earliest when I meet with the surgeon again.
Other than that experience, I had a pretty good day.  This morning, Ken and I took the dogs for a nice long walk (maybe 3/4 of a mile?.....not that long, but pretty good for now).  I sat out in the sun and read for awhile, sat inside and read for awhile, took a snooze for a couple of hours, and basically did nothing strenuous or tiring, which felt really good.
In fact, I think I'll go read for awhile again right now! 
P.S.  All you grammar/spelling freaks -- I realize I spelled luxurious wrong (after the surgery), but it's too much trouble to change it.  Hope it doesn't offend you too much.....LOL!  There are probably other mistakes, too, although I TRY to be pretty careful about that.   

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Never even saw the freight train coming......

I've got dreams in hidden places and extra smiles for when I'm blue.  ~Author Unknown

Wow!  This morning I feel like I've been run over by every car of a really long freight train!  Eeeh gads!  I have faith that I'll feel better as the day goes on, though.  Kenny just made me a delicious Vitamix juice drink....and it tastes SO good.  Heck, I'm starting to feel better already!  So nice to eat some good food after the horrible hospital food.  My first meal there (which was a mere 3-4 hours after arriving in my room after surgery) was steak and a baked potato -- I don't eat red meat or "starches" nowadays.  They kindly offered to bring me something else -- a piece of grilled chicken -- but it was so dry I could only manage to eat 2 bites of it.  For breakfast the next morning, they brought me pancakes and bacon -- I don't eat red meat or "starches" nowadays.  However, I was so hungry after not eating anything for 36 hours, I ate it anyway!  For lunch yesterday, they brought me a hamburger, french fries, and vanilla ice cream.  Have I mentioned that I don't eat red meat or "starches" nowadays?  When I didn't eat any of it, the nurse chewed me out and said I have to eat in order to get better.  So she called down to the land of food and ordered me a nice salad with turkey on it, which tasted quite good.  But nothing could top the homemade chicken soup last night and the fresh juice drink this morning!    

I actually slept pretty well last night.  Got up twice to pee but got right back to sleep both times.  I slept propped up in bed -- with pillows behind my back.  Can't quite fathom lying flat on my back or getting up from that position just yet. Kenny slept on the couch in the living room because he's coughing so much from his cold.  Hoping and praying I don't get it. 

We emptied "the drains" this morning -- I have 4 of them -- 2 on each side.  We emptied them last night, too, and it was no problem.  For some reason, it really grossed me out this morning, and I thought I was gonna "lose my cookies."  Maybe it was the whole freight-train syndrome and not feeling so great that got to me.  

Well, I just ordered a new book for my Kindle (what a cool thing), so I'm going to read for awhile.  I think I'm going to be doing a lot of lying around being lazy today -- reading, sleeping, maybe watching a movie......  Home Health is supposed to come at some point to make sure the drains look okay, etc.   

Saturday, February 26, 2011

There's no place like home.......

Become a possibilitarian.  No matter how dark things seem to be or actually are, raise your sights and see possibilities - always see them, for they're always there.  ~Norman Vincent Peale

Yup, I'm home!  Got home around 4:00 this afternoon, and it feels so good to be here with Kenny and the doggies, the latter of whom have been smothering me with kisses ever since I walked in the door.  About 10 minutes after walking in the door, I immediately fell asleep for 2 hours, which felt pretty darn good.  And then I got up and had some delicious homemade chicken soup (great healing qualities) that our good friends made for us.  So life is good.  I'm actually not in too much pain right now -- a little discomfort/achiness......and just a little spaced out from the painkillers -- but doing pretty well overall.  Not quite ready to go kayaking or bike riding yet, but maybe in a few weeks.......

I really don't have much other news to report at the moment, so I guess I'll sign off for now.  Just wanted to let you all know that I'm happy to be home, and I'm doing well......    

Friday, February 25, 2011

Surgery over

This will be short because it's hard to blog from my phone. Surgery went well (I think my boobs are gone) and I'm doing really well. Watching the news and thinking about going down to the hot tub. Oh that's right....I'm in a hospital, not a luxurios hotel!! The nurses are super, though, and are pampering me quite nicely. Kenny went home earlier because he seems to be getting a cold (terrible timing), so I told him to take his germs home and spend a relaxing evening with the dogs. LOVE YOU ALL!!

The Big Day.....

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.  ~Mark Twain

Well, the Big Day has finally arrived.  The hospital called yesterday and moved my surgery time up to #1 on the schedule -- at 0730; arrive by 0600; leave home at 0455.  So, yes, I woke up several times last night worried that I would "sleep in" -- HAH!  When was the last time that ever happened??!!  But I figured if it was going to happen, it would be on the day of surgery.....when I absolutely HAD to be somewhere at a certain time.  No worries.  Up at 0245.....again!  But, alas, that gives me one more chance to write in my blog before heading down to Melbourne for a "fun-filled day."

I'm actually quite glad they moved my time slot up -- get it over with.  And, as one friend pointed out -- it's good to be first.  That way you know everything is nice and clean at the start of the day!  Not to mention, the surgeon can't be too far behind at that point in the day.....unless he slept in! 

The shuttle launch yesterday was hugely successful but less than spectacular (from our viewing site, anyway).  We could only see it for a few seconds before it disappeared behind the clouds, never to be seen again.  At least it was a success, though......Godspeed to Shuttle Discovery's very last mission ever.  And we'll be waiting for you to come home safely, too.

I guess I'd better check (and possibly answer) my emails and then wake up Ken, walk the dogs, and head down the road.

I'll write again when I can.  I feel the positive vibes and loving thoughts coming from everywhere -- THANK YOU ALL!! 

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Shuttle launch today! Boob removal tomorrow!

I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat.  I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!
~Dr. Seuss


Tomorrow is the big day -- amputation of the boobs.  I'm hoping today isn't too chaotic.  Tuesday was a very hectic day with lots of phone calls -- makin' 'em and takin' 'em -- and other things.  First I had to go online and watch a 30-minute video about breast cancer and what to expect with the mastectomy, etc.  Then the hospital wanted money up front because they said my deductible hadn't been met; tried to pay with credit card; credit card denied; called credit card company; discovered they had $500/day limit on card -- raised hell and told 'em that wouldn't even buy an ace bandage in this day and age; they raised the limit for one day so I could pay hospital; called insurance company to dispute lab charges being out of network when I had no control over what the hell lab they used; they said to write letter of appeal; called pre-admin and asked if I really had to get my wedding ring and engagement ring off (I'm a little heavier than I was 27 years ago.....and the rings would NOT move) -- they said to try to get them off because if I have any swelling, they might get even tighter.

Okay, I wrote the above paragraph early this morning but didn't have time to finish it -- swamped with transcription.  Thankfully I just finished that (started typing at 3:00 a.m.), and now I can spend the rest of the day trying to get my "ducks in a row."  Hopefully there will be time to walk down to the pier (1/2 a mile or less) and watch the shuttle launch at 1650 today.  There should be time for that, and it's a spectacular day for a launch -- sunny and 78 degrees! 

Aaah....the rings....I had to go to the fire department yesterday and get them cut off my fingers!  : (    So, I was standing there in the fire station with the young dude using his special ring-cutting tool, and all of a sudden I thought I was going to pass out or throw up.  Not sure what that was all about -- emotional trauma from having my wedding ring and engagement ring destroyed??  I just politely asked the dude if I could sit down, and then I was fine.  Kenny was there to witness this event, too.  He thinks we can take the rings to a jeweler and have them soldered back together or whatever they do.  It's not like they're worth thousands of dollars or anything -- I think they were each less than $100 -- but it's the sentimental value! 

Well, I really have a bunch of things I need to be doing, so I guess I'd better post this entry and get crackin'.  Thank you all ever so much for all your love and support!  I know I've said that before, but it really means the world to me!  I love you all so much! 

P.S.  I have on a pink breast cancer shirt today -- it says "Fight Like A Girl" (with a picture of boxing gloves) on the front -- it was kindly passed down to me from a breast cancer survivor I met a couple of weeks ago.  When I'm done wearing it, and when (not if) I am happily in those ranks of breast cancer survivors, I will pass it on to somebody else. 

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The big day draws near......

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.  ~Winston Churchill

Wow!  Only 3 more days until the "big day" arrives.  Yes, I will admit that I'm starting to get a little nervous -- not about losing my boobs, but more about being in a hospital (they give me the willies.....not to mention fear of MRSA and other things lurking behind the hospital doors) and about my work.  My job has gotten so busy, and I can't stop worrying about dumping it all on somebody else -- in this case, 3 somebody elses.  However, they are all very qualified, capable, and willing, so I'm slowly convincing myself to stop worrying about that and concentrate on my health.  (It's not really working, but I'm trying.)

We had a good weekend.  Had a really fun day at Universal Studios on Friday.  The Vitamix arrived on Saturday!  Man, that thing is turbocharged!  It's really cool.  Ken whipped up some fabulous vegie drink on Sunday morning with all kinds of good stuff in it.  The only problem was that he is used to the juicer where there is so much waste from the vegies.  With the Vitamix, you get it all, so I was drinking that one drink for 2 days!  There was a ton of it! 

On Saturday night, some dear friends took us out for a delicious dinner and fun evening to celebrate our birthdays.  On Sunday night, some other dear friends had us over for a delicious dinner and fun evening to celebrate our birthdays.  Great evenings! 

And yesterday was Ken's birthday.  We went out to breakfast, did a few errands, and then went to the gun range for some target practice(!)  It's what he wanted to do......and it was his birthday......  We basically spent the afternoon "chilling out" at the RV.  It was a gorgeous day -- sunny and 80 degrees!  We went for a nice walk around 4:00, saw a couple of alligators sunning on the bank of the lagoon, and then we sat outside at the RV and relaxed.  I cooked lobster tails and oven-roasted vegies for his birthday dinner.  I offered to buy (not make -- we don't own any flour, sugar, etc.) a birthday cake for dessert, but he declined. 

The hospital called me yesterday to get my health history and give me instructions for the surgery, etc.  I have to be at the hospital (Wuesthoff Hospital - Wickham Rd - Melbourne) at 0700 on Friday (2/25), and the surgery is now scheduled for 0915 (instead of 1000).  The surgery takes approximately 1.5 hours, and I will be in recovery 1-2 hours.  Then I will be taken to a room -- supposedly a private room -- and will spend the rest of day and night there.  Hopefully, if I'm doing well, I will be discharged around noon the next day (Saturday).

Oh, I just discovered something else to worry about -- not that I'm lacking in that department.  I just went online to see if I have met my $5200 deductible yet and discovered that there are lab charges for the biopsy I had done on 2/1 in the amount of $3020.  However, the 2 labs were OUT-OF-NETWORK, so these charges will not go to my deductible (i.e., I will have to pay this in addition to my $5200 deductible!).  Like I had a freakin' choice on what the hell labs they used!  (By the way, that makes the total charges for the biopsy  -- procedure took about 20 minutes -- $5261!  Reasonable, eh?!)  Welcome to the freakin' medical/insurance world!  I'm sure it will continue to get more colorful, annoy me more, and send my blood pressure soaring as time goes on....... 

On that note, I will sign off for now because, as usual, I am swamped with work.  I'm procrastinating and would rather vent in my blog than do my work.  But, alas, reality is setting in, and I MUST get back to it. 

Stay tuned.......I'll be back when time permits......  Thank you all for your continued loving thoughts, prayers, support, good wishes, positive vibes, etc. etc.  This would be a very tough journey without all of you......

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Had a wonderful birthday!

A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.  ~Hugh Downs

Happy Saturday!  I love weekends!  I had a wonderful birthday yesterday.  Thank you, everybody, for the birthday wishes, positive thoughts, loving support, etc.  It's what gets me through each day.  Can't begin to tell you how much it means to me!

Kenny and I dropped the dog's off at doggie day care (Maisey's house) around 0815 yesterday and then headed over to Universal Studios in Orlando.  Since we had never been there, it was really a treat for us.  We even splurged and spent $20 extra per ticket to get an Express Pass -- well worth the extra money.  They have separate lines at each attraction for Express Pass holders, and we were able to pretty much walk right in to each attraction.  We might have had to wait 10-15 minutes tops at 1 or 2 of the more popular ones.  It was a gorgeous day -- 78 degrees, sunny, cloudless blue sky -- just super.  And we really enjoyed ourselves.  Just what the doctor ordered!  Well, actually, he didn't.....but who cares?!  It is what WE ordered.....and needed!  We had planned to go out to dinner after we got back to Merritt Island, but we were so exhausted from all the walking (and me from getting up at 0300!) that we decided to just pick up the dogs and hang out at the RV for the evening.  Sat outside and had a fire with our "Little Red Campfire" -- a cute little portable gas campfire. 

My sweet husband gave me a Kindle for my birthday!  What a pleasant surprise!  I had no idea I wanted one.....until he gave it to me....but it is going to be wonderful -- as soon as I figure out how to use it!  It will be just perfect for the RV, too, because we don't have a lot of room for books, so now I can store thousands on this little 6x8 tablet!  How cool is that?! 

No new "medical news" to report today.  Went for the EKG and blood work on Thursday but won't know the results for a few days.  Had 2 medically-related phone calls yesterday -- one while at Universal and the other while driving home.  Nothing urgent.  The billing department for the surgeon needed something in writing saying the insurance company would cover the bilateral mastectomy since the right boob will be considered prophylactic -- it's covered, fortunately.  She also needed to know how much of my $5200(!) deductible has been met -- I'm getting there with all these bills piling up.  The other call was from the hospital where the surgery will be performed -- they needed a health history and to give me surgery instructions.  Since I was driving, I asked them to please call me back on Monday. 

Not sure what our plans are for the weekend.  Maybe some yard sales this morning, cleaning/tidying up the RV, transcription, and learning how to use my Kindle!

Not much other news, so I will sign off for now.  Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Why am I awake at this hour??

Never, never, never give up.  ~Winston Churchill

Tonight I will take a sleeping pill because that is 2 mornings in a row that I have gotten up at 0230(!).  It makes it nice for getting an early start on my transcription, but it sure makes for a very long day.  I have been swamped with work the past few days, which is good for keeping my mind off other "things," but I'm worried about how "the girls" (3 of 'em) are going to cover for me after my surgery.  I'm sure it will be fine, and I should stop worrying.  (Not sure, but I might have inherited the 'worrying trait' from my Mom.....)

So, I will do a few hours of work and then head off down the road to get my pre-op EKG and blood work done.  Life is SO different now -- 2 or 3 different medical appointments a week -- ugh!  However, tomorrow (my birthday), Kenny and I are planning to take a break from the "medical world" and spend the day at Universal Studios.  We've never been there -- it's only an hour from here -- and I'm really looking forward to having a fun, carefree, sunshine-in-the-face, don't-worry-about-anything-else kind of day!  It's supposed to be sunny and 75 degrees tomorrow!  The doggies will spend the day with their good friend, Maisey (St. Bernard), so we won't have to worry about them either.  SOOO looking forward to the day tomorrow!!

Meanwhile......now I'd better get some work done....... 

Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day!

Cancer is a word, not a sentence.     ~John Diamond

Okee dokee, folks.  We have a date -- boob removal at 1000 on Friday, February 25th!  I'm thinking I might lose another 10 pounds with that event!!   Just kidding.  They probably don't weigh THAT much!

It was a long day -- left here at 0715 -- Ken driving the RV to Palm Bay and me driving the car.  I dropped the dogs off to spend the day with their St. Bernard friend, and then I continued on down to Melbourne for my appointment with the surgeon.  I had hoped to get down to Palm Bay to pick Ken up so he could go to the appointment with me, but there wasn't enough time.  I did talk to the surgeon about the recent studies that have come out about not doing lymph node dissection even if there is cancer there.  Sadly, he informed me that those studies (which he was familiar with) do not apply to me, which is exactly what I expected he would say, but I had to ask.  The studies are for early breast cancer and with only microscopic traces of cancer in the lymph nodes.  Sadly, my breast cancer is not considered early, there are several lymph nodes involved, and they are enlarged.  Don't let that alarm you because I'm trying not to let it alarm me.  At any rate, sadly, the lymph nodes will be going with the boobs.  And I hope and pray that I don't have any of the complications and problems associated with lymph node removal (lymphedema, pain, swelling, numbness, immobility, loss of range of motion, etc.). 

Despite having to schedule a bilateral mastectomy, we managed to have a little fun on Valentine's Day.  I picked Ken up in Palm Bay after my appointment, and we went out for a really nice lunch at Squid Lips overlooking the Indian River -- very nice.  And then we went for a walk on the beach -- it was absolutely gorgeous.  Lunch and the beach walk were the highlights of the day.  Then I dropped Ken back off at the RV place and I left to go "pajama shopping(!)" -- figured I better have some PJs that button in the front rather than pull over the head because I'm thinking it's not going to be too easy to raise the arms over the head  after the surgery.  Ya think?!  Then I picked the dogs up from sweet Maisey's house and we headed back to Kars Park to await the arrival of our "home," which eventually showed up.  In fact, we just finished re-parking, re-leveling, putting the slides out, getting the computer set back up, etc.  And we are both BEAT!  And will be heading to bed SOON!

Hope you all had a very Happy Valentine's Day!  Love you all!! 

Sunday, February 13, 2011

It's chilly here but a gorgeous day......

Once you choose hope, anything's possible.    ~Christopher Reeve



As usual, I started my day off with a delicious, freshly-juiced vegie drink made by my sweet husband.  What a perfect way to start the day.  And we ended yesterday on a nice note, too.  We went to dinner with good friends to a place in Cocoa Beach.  Had a table overlooking the water and saw the most stunningly beautiful sunset over the Banana River -- which kind of brought the day full circle because we had seen a beautiful sunrise over the river in the morning. 

I splurged this morning and ordered myself a birthday present -- a Vitamix 5200!  They are a tad pricey, but they are the Cadillac of blenders, and it will be a wonderful addition to our galley.  Kenny will think so, too, because the juicer is a bit of a hassle (although he never complains) -- there is so much waste with the juicer, and it's a pain in the butt to clean.  With the Vitamix, you don't lose all the fiber from the vegies (no waste), and it'll be much easier to clean -- we think!  I'll keep you posted on that......

Other than that, it was a fairly relaxing day.  We watched an awesome video (documentary) that a good friend of mine picked up at the library for me -- called "Crazy, Sexy Cancer."  It was really great -- so well done and very inspiring. 

Kenny has gone down to a BBQ at our old stomping grounds (where we lived on the houseboat).  I would rather stay here and write in my blog!  Maybe I'll even go for a walk.  It's a little hard for me to be in a "party situation," drinking water and not being able to eat any of the food being served. 

SOOO, I'm going to take the doggies and go for a nice walk before it gets dark.

Meeting with the surgeon tomorrow morning.  I'll report on that when I have a chance.  We have to take the RV down to Palm Bay to have some recall brake work done on it, and it will be down there all day, so it's going to be a little hectic and crazy.  But, don't worry, I'll let you know about the meeting at some point in time.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

The time

Figured out how to change the time.  Correct time zone now.

Timing

Okay, the time on my blog apparently is PST!  It says 5:45 a.m., but it is 8:45 a.m.!!  I don't know how to change that.  Any bloggers out there who can help me with that?

Beautiful sunrise over the Banana River this morning --

Some days there won't be a song in your heart.  Sing anyway.  ~Emory Austin


The sunrise over the Banana River this morning was absolutely gorgeous and a perfect way to start the day.  I'm feeling much better today.  I was very upset and depressed yesterday after meeting with the oncologist, so I thought it best not to write in my blog.  I would like for this blog to be more of an upper than a downer -- for me and for you -- although I'm sure there will be times when I just feel like writing even if I'm not in the best of moods.  All I can say is that this is the wildest, craziest roller coaster ride I have ever been on -- mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically!!!! 

Yesterday was my 3rd visit to 3 different doctors in 4 days.  We've lived in Brevard County for 24 years, and I don't think I've been to see a doctor 3 times in 24 years, so 3 times in a week is really hard for me to take. 

Anyway, you probably want to know about the less-than-pleasant meeting with the oncologist.  Let me first say that she is a very nice person, and I can see why people really like her.  She is a cancer survivor herself (from childhood), so she probably brings a little more compassion and empathy to the table than someone who hasn't "been there, done that."  Our first "issue" was that she said to definitely do the surgery first and then the chemo, as opposed to the surgeon who recommended chemo first and then surgery.  Her reasoning was that there is no reason to do chemo first unless the tumor is very close to the chest wall (it's not) and needs to be shrunk so the surgeon can get clean margins, or if a patient is planning on having breast-conserving surgery instead of a mastectomy.  Since I'm doing the bilateral mastectomy, she said there's no reason to do chemo first.  Okay, that all made sense to me, although the surgeon's logic of doing chemo first to see how the tumor and lymph nodes respond to therapy (to get a better idea of what we're dealing with) made sense to me, too.  So now we have conflicting opinions.  Back to the surgeon on Monday morning, at which time I will presumably be setting up an appointment for a bilateral mastectomy.  Get this thing out of here already!! 

The next issue I had with the oncologist was that I take quite a few vitamins/supplements in a program custom-tailored for me by my clinical nutritionist, which he and I believe are what my body needs at the moment to help it get strong and healthy and fight this dreaded disease.  So I asked the oncologist if I could continue to take my supplements, and she adamantly said, "No, not during chemotherapy.  You can take them afterwards if you want, but not during chemo."  THAT got the tears flowing.  Mind you, I didn't even cry when the surgeon broke the news to me that I had breast cancer, but I sat in her office yesterday with a steady stream of tears because she more or less told me the supplements were akin to "quackery."  (She didn't actually use those words; it was the inference).  I explained to her that I believed in THAT (the supplements) a lot more than I believe in THIS (the chemo), so I was having a very difficult time with what she was telling me.  She basically said that there haven't been any "studies" to show if there are any interactions between the supplements and the chemo, so they would prefer to just inject the "poison" into my body and please don't do anything to help my body cope with the poison. 

Okay, I probably shouldn't be saying a lot of what I'm saying because I know most of you probably don't agree with me.  But, hey, this IS my blog, and I need to get some things "off my chest" -- no pun intended!! 

I also explained to the onco that I was now on a super-duper health kick, which she said was fine.  As a gift, she "gave" me (or maybe I'm going to be billed for it?!) a recipe book called, "Eating Well Through Cancer."  Silly me thought there might be some healthy and delicious recipes in the book.  Not!  I couldn't find one healthy recipe in there.  Lots of sugar, milk, white flour, refined/processed/canned foods, pasta, pizza, casseroles, desserts -- you name it -- nothing healthy.  Nothing!  I'll be returning the book to her; it might be useful for somebody who is on a different kind of "health" kick, but not to me. 

Well, I really didn't mean to have such a negative tone to my blog today.  I'm actually a lot more upbeat and positive this morning than I was from about noon until bedtime yesterday.  Today is another day, and it's time to get back on top of things and forge on!  We WILL prevail and we WILL beat this thing!! 

I really appreciate all your love and support -- emails, comments on the blog, positive thoughts, good wishes, etc.  It means the world to me and helps SO much in getting through this trying time.  As my cousin (a been-there-done-that survivor) said, "This is a club that nobody wants to join!"  So true!!  But when you're forced into "joining" it against your wishes, you just have to deal with it and keep moving forward, all the while surrounding yourself with positive, loving, caring, supportive people, which I am so fortunate to be able to do.  I love you all!!!!

By the way, I think the posted times on the blog might be off by an hour or 2.  I don't know what time Kenny made my vegie drink yesterday morning, but I know it wasn't 4:47 a.m!  I'm always up at that hour, but he isn't. 

Friday, February 11, 2011

My delicious breakfast!

My sweet husband just juiced me the most delicious vegie drink -- carrots, apple, cabbage, and squash -- and added powdered vitamin C.  It is so yummy.  He does that for me every morning and delivers it to me here at my "desk" while I do my medical transcription.  He is being so loving and so supportive during this traumatic time -- well, he always is, but I guess I'm noticing it more now and taking it for granted less!

Back to the transcription.....

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Feeling amazingly chipper today......

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.
-Marcus Aurelius (A.D. 121-180)


For some reason, I'm feeling pretty chipper today......after 2 days of feeling "down in the dumps."  Fortunately, I found my way out of that "hole" and am coping pretty well again.  I'm sure the "blue days" are far from over; I just hope I can keep finding my way back out, get back on top of things, and "get a grip" again.  Those negative feelings are NOT healthy, and I know it. 

I established with a PCP (primary care provider) today.  I actually met with his ARNP, and I loved her.  She was SO kind and SO down to earth and just a real sweetheart.  So, that was a very positive experience.  And a new person added to "my team." 

Tomorrow I meet with the medical oncologist, also a woman, and I've heard from other people that she, too, is very nice.  And that should round out "the A-team" for now -- surgeon, chiropractor/clinical nutritionist, PCP, and medical oncologist.  I will have to add a radiation oncologist at some point, but I think that's down the road a little ways.

I bought a cute hat today -- on sale at Target.  I'm not sure what it will look like with no hair, but I'm thinking it might be cute.  The jury is still out on that one......  I'll keep you posted.  Might even post a picture......unless it's too goofy looking......LOL!

Well, I don't really have much other news, so I guess I'd better stop procrastinating and get some more transcription done.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Monday afternoon.....a very windy day here......

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.  It's about learning to dance in the rain."

That's one of my favorite quotes.  In fact, we have it hanging above the door in our RV.


Met with the surgeon this morning at 10:45.  We were in the room for almost an hour and a half -- first talking to the nurse practitioner and then the surgeon.  They both let us ask all the questions we wanted -- and we had a lot of 'em! 
Fortunately, he didn't paint a gloomier picture of the PET scan.  He didn't even mention the lung nodule, although the nurse practitioner mentioned it but said it wasn't anything to be too concerned with at this point.  Obviously, the main concern is the cancer in the breast and the lymph nodes, which fortunately has NOT metastasized anywhere else.
The pathology report (of the biopsy) was less than cheery -- infiltrating ductal carcinoma, stage IIIA, grade 7 (intermediate to high-grade). 
But, hey, it is what it is.  However, it won't be much longer because I am going to kick this thing in the butt!  I WILL BEAT IT! 
The surgeon said I could have the bilateral mastectomy first or the chemo first.  He was sort of suggesting doing the chemo first, although he said the outcome/success rate would be the same.  But he said it might be good to shrink the tumor as much as possible to see how it responds to treatment.  He said if I wanted to have the surgery first, he could get me in next Friday (the 18th).  But I'm really not too keen on having a bilateral mastectomy on my birthday!!  The biopsy on our anniversary was bad enough.  I told him I was supposed to be snowshoeing in Maine on my birthday, not having a mastectomy! 
Anyway, I meet with the oncologist on Friday to get her opinion on the whole thing and see if she agrees with doing the chemo first and then the surgery or thinks I should do it the other way around. 
These are very uncharted waters for me.  I don't "do doctors," and now I'm seeing doctors 2-3 times a week.  Scaring the heck out of me. 

And so begins another week.....

Real difficulties can be overcome; it is only the imaginary ones that are unconquerable.  -Theodore N. Vail

Up early this morning (as usual), although I did manage to sleep 'til 4:45 instead of the 3:00 and 4:00 mornings I was seeing last week. 
We went to see "The King's Speech" yesterday afternoon, and it was absolutely fabulous.  Kenny and I haven't been to the movies in at least 10 years, so it was really a nice change.  Movie theaters are so different now!  The seats are arranged so you don't have to stare at the back of the person's head in front of you. 
I find myself viewing life and treating life a little differently now. 
Ya GOTTA take time to stop and smell the roses. 
And don't sweat the small stuff.
Ordinarily, we wouldn't have made time in our day to go to the movies.  We would have had a myriad of excuses -- I'd better do some transcription, or clean the RV, or Kenny has to work on something, or we don't want to spend the money, etc., etc.  However, now we will MAKE time to do fun, relaxing things. 

On another note, this morning my boob is one big huge black and blue and yellow bruise -- quite ugly I might say -- all from the needle biopsy.  The torture has begun!  I would post a picture, but I guess it wouldn't be appropriate......LOL......

Appointment with the surgeon at 10:45 this morning.  Hoping he doesn't turn my world upside down again.

I'm very happy to report that I've lost 15 pounds!  So, there IS a bright side to all of this!  I know, weight loss is a worrisome symptom of cancer.  However, my appetite is great, I feel great, I'm not lethargic, or fatigued, and I totally attribute the weight loss to the new health kick I'm on -- no sugar (cancer loves sugar), no carbs (they turn to sugar)no alcohol (sugar; very hard to give up my wine), no crap, no red meat, etc. It's a little tough, but I know it's what I need to do. When you get the scare of your lifetime, it's a lot easier to be committed to something, so I'm doing quite well with it. And I'm taking lots of vitamins and supplements, too. I just know that I need to get my body as healthy and strong as possible to help fight this monster.

I am strong!  I am a fighter!  We WILL get through this!   
It's not a big deal.  It's just a little bump in the road on the journey of life.....

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Welcome aboard Mr. Toad's Wild Ride

Okay, so I've decided to start a blog because I was thinking it would be easier than writing a bunch of emails.  I don't know if that's true or not, but I guess I'll find out.
Timeline of events:
January 13, 2011 -- spent 3 hours (off and on) trying to schedule appointment for mammogram in Merritt Island -- long story, frustrating morning.  Finally got an appointment for afternoon of Jan. 18.
January 18, 2011 -- arrived early for appointment, went through registration/paperwork, got called back to room, gowned, ready to go, and they wouldn't do it.  Another long story, huge fiasco, and frustrating afternoon.  The heck with that facility.
January 19, 2011 -- made appointment for mammogram in Melbourne
January 25, 2011 -- mammogram/ultrasound done (due to palpable lump in breast)
January 26, 2011 -- bad news -- Birads cat 5 -- as bad as it gets -- highly suspicious for malignancy
January 31, 2011 -- consultation/examination with surgeon -- he bluntly told me that he thought I had breast cancer, he thought there was lymph node involvement, and he was sure I would need the Big 3 -- surgery, chemo, radiation.  He convinced me (against my wishes) that I need an ultrasound-guided needle biopsy to find out what was going on.  I VERY reluctantly agreed to it -- I was opposed to needle biopsies due to problem of "seeding the track" (would have preferred an excisional biopsy). 
February 1, 2011 (our 27th anniversary) -- needle biopsy of lump and lymph nodes; not painful, just scary due to my not wanting a needle biopsy.
February 2, 2011 -- around noon, the surgeon called with the bad news -- it's definitely breast cancer, and the lymph nodes are involved.  After I hung up the phone, my world just started spinning around out of control.  That entire afternoon was very "surreal."  I spent about 5 hours on the phone that afternoon -- calling family and friends, doctors calling me to make appointments, calling the insurance company because they said my premium wasn't paid (it was!), etc., etc.  Life hasn't been quite the same since then.
February 3, 2011 -- scheduled for PET scan (to see if the monster had gone anywhere else besides the lymph nodes)
February 4, 2011 -- received preliminary PET scan report -- I was literally shaking in my boots, absolutely terrified that it would be more bad news, and I didn't have any more room in my brain for any more bad news.  It was GOOD news.  Near as I could tell (haven't gotten the surgeon's opinion yet), it was only in the breast and lymph nodes, although there was mention of a 4 mm nodule in the right lung lobe; however, that didn't sound too worrisome in MY opinion!  So, after getting that news, I was VERY excited that I only had breast cancer (with lymph node involvement)!  We even went out to celebrate(!) that night -- I had ice water (I'm on a super-duper health kick now), and Kenny had 2 glasses of wine (1 for me and 1 for him!).

Okay, well, that's the timeline for now.  I will write some more later.  Just wanted to get started.  But right now Kenny and I are going to go to a movie  -- something we haven't done in probably 10 years!